I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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