you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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