If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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