Joe is yelling at the trees again.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Randomize