If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
