why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
