Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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