My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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