i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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