I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
