They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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