Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
