also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Never joke about your clitoris.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
