ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
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