i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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