Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
It's official drugs can't kill me
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
