i don't like sucking hair
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
40s are totally the cure
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
