i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
