Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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