That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
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