Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
