Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
you didnt know i had herpes?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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