Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Randomize
