I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
