tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
