The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
