Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
3 2 1 whiskey
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
