we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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