apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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