plz talk dirty to me
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
