I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
