i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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