literally had 100 drinks last night.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
