no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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