don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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