i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
