Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
