Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
