There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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