I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
