I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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