sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
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