well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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