Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
