i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
