Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
