I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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