His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed š
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dogās dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a āwater bottleā. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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