I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
