i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
