I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Randomize
