hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
