You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I just want nice things and good sex
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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