tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
