That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
4 words: hood of his car
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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