i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
