I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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