I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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