I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
