I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
wow bdsm is so cute
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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