I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize