Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
