Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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