Don't make out with my wife yet
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Randomize
