I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
