it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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