Im at strip club and am horny
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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