so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
