If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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