i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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