I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Ketchup is God's man juice
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
