And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
