Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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