if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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