her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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