You made me cry and you don't even care
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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