do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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