Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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