today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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