mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
