I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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