fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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