You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
