wakey wakey hands off snakey
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
