Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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