I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Randomize
