id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
