so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
