meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize