he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
