I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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