Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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