Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
