Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
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