Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize