Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
