my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
