we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
