she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
