so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
