Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
