I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
