we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
