Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
