Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize