it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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