its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
