Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
