I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
