Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize