thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
My friends, they love my intelligence
Just fell off a train. Bad.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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