I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
He? As in you personified your dick?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
