I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize