you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
