Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
