He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
